My blog is about my life with an English man. The sad thing is that we don't get that much time together so many of my posts are more about me and my life than our life together. This is what it's like:
A typical Tuesday
7am. The alarm goes off for the third time and D has to get up for work. He is grumpy and tired, he hates mornings just like I do. I can hear him smoking his electronic cigarette for a minute before he leaves the warmth of the bed. When he's ready to go I get a quick kiss and he says he loves me. I try and stay awake to hear him lock the door.
10am. It's D's first brake at work and I get a text from him. This is usually the sign for me to finally get up. The text is always similar "morning princess, how are you? love you xXx D xXx" etc. I reply with one eye open and kick myself out of bed. It's ridiculous that I waste my time by sleeping so much. I still feel tired, have a headache and can't be bothered to do anything.
The first thing I do when I get up is to find out if I have any chocolate or something else I fancy. I know it's not good for me. This needs to change. Then I spend the next couple of hours online. Killing time, checking my Facebook. This is the time I should be cleaning the house. I feel guilty when I can't keep the house clean. My boyfriend doesn't have a warm meal waiting when he comes home.
12:30pm. D's next brake and I receive my second text. "How is your day going?" The thing is, our texts are always similar because every day is similar. Around 12:30 I am always about to take a bath or a shower after which I will dry my hair, do my make up and do my hair. I can't really do my hair so it is always a ponytail which makes me look bald. I hate it.
14:20pm. I set off for work. Half an hour on the first bus. Then I walk through town to get to the second one which will take me where I work. I start at 4pm. but I'm always there for about 15:35pm. Time to send D a quick text because I won't have a chance for the rest of the evening. I start work at 4pm. D finishes work at 4pm. I wish I had a chance to call him quickly just to hear his voice but it is time to face people at work. On weekdays I am the only female in there so I get a lot of compliments and attention. I wish I got more of them from D.
10:30-12:00pm. I am about to finish work so I call D. He has to pick me up on a motorbike no matter what weather. I hate how I can't afford a car. I definitely cannot afford a taxi home and buses aren't running anymore. D arrives, is tired and just wants to go home. I feel guilty and shit about the situation. What can I do? If he doesn't want me to quit there is nothing I can do.
One hour later: As soon as we go home we have to go to bed. D is usually ready first and is in bed before me. He reads the news on his iPad. He is tired. I take my trousers and top off, he doesn't take his eyes off the iPad. I turn the lights off feeling sad he didn't pay attention to me when I was feeling pretty. I shouldn't be annoyed though, he needs to be up early in the morning and we need to sleep. We spoon for a moment which is my favourite part of the day even though I wish it lasted longer. I wish we kissed more. Wednesday will be exactly the same.
Sunday
It's my day off. It's also D's day off. It is our chance to have a good time together. If it is a sunny day I feel we HAVE TO go out. D is always worried about money. He is never excited about going out to start with but is always happy we went. Often we end up doing the same thing. We go for a ride on beautiful country roads, go for a picnic in a nice place or maybe fish & chips. I don't care I just want to enjoy the sun and enjoy my boyfriend. We often stop at a country pub for one drink. I love the atmosphere in them and if it's sunny, there is nothing better than a beer garden. Let's hold hands for a moment. Let's not worry about tomorrow. D is not extremely romantic but I know he loves me. Why would he pick me up after a long day at work in rain on 5 or 6 days a week if he didn't? Why would he go and buy me medicines when I'm ill or make me a cup of tea when I'm crying? Why would he want to punch my managers in the face when they make me cry? He does a lot for me and is there for me when I need him. And when we do have a really good time, it is all worth it.
In the evening we will maybe watch a film and I will have a long hot bath. I decide this time I will be more interesting than anything that is happening in the world. Tonight he will see me. Black lace, do your job.
Ps. 71 days until Finland!
Thursday 27 March 2014
Friday 21 March 2014
22
"I'm not 21 anymore" is my new joke I use when I'm tired. I had my 22nd birthday last week which I decided to work so I can have a Saturday off for the first time in months. It was kinda depressing to start with because my bosses didn't remember it even though it had been written in the diary for ages so they talked to me like crap as usual. But in all fairness they did treat me nicer when they found out. Anyway it was quite a funny day at work because two other customers had a birthday as well, we high fived each other, the "happy birthday" -song was heard several times and everybody was in a good mood. I also got to go home a bit early and take some tips home. Wow!
My present from D was a necklace with a real ruby. (No it's not my birth stone) Obviously I love it and carry it everywhere I go with me. :) He also got me a very nice bottle of wine. My mum sent me loads of sweets and chocolates from Finland. I was a little bit sad she forgot the rye bread but I only have 2.5 months to wait so I'm sure I can make it. I also got money from D's parents and some really nice perfume from a girl at work. I'm impressed somebody managed to find one that I really like. Then again 90% of girls probably know cosmetics and girly things better than I do.
On my Saturday off we went to the Tropical Butterfly House near Sheffield. Highly recommended! It is not expensive, something like £8-9 per person and there is loads to see: butterflies, exotic birds, birds of prey, meerkats, lemurs, marmosets, crocodiles, giant tortoises, otters, black swans, farm animals, well, all sorts. I really enjoyed that. In the evening we went to a really nice pub for a meal and a few drinks. After that we were supposed to go to town, go to a few more pubs and have a late night. For some reason I haven't been myself recently though and I was way too tired by 9 pm. and we had to catch a bus back. Booo! It was still a nice birthday and it was lovely to spend more time with D.
Don't read this bit if you're not interested in people's body functions. Since last week's Monday I've been having dizzy spells every now and again and alcohol seems to make it worse. I've also had vertigo twice, you know when the room starts spinning in your eyes and my stomach has been quite upset for a few weeks and either doesn't work at all or is too active. Most days I'm really swollen, so much that I get pains (air) and especially wearing my leathers for D's motorbike is quite interesting. I'm also tired a lot and don't get much done. I was just wondering if anybody knows what could cause this. I thought maybe my blood pressure's low but I had it checked yesterday and it was fine, 111/ 73. Maybe I'm sensitive to something I eat. Or maybe I'm lactose intolerant! I might actually try and drink a glass of milk and see what happens. Anyway, sorry about this bit.
One of my bosses surprised me yesterday by asking what my plans are for the future. It might have been easier to answer if I actually knew exactly what they were but I don't. Well I do but nothing is set in stone. I told him that after my apprenticeship I need evening work on a few nights a week so I can start thinking about going to university. Then he surprised me even more by saying that he wants to keep me there because "I follow him and he can trust me." But he wants somebody there full time. Maybe I could work full time for a year, save money and then go to uni? I told him to let me know by May for sure so I can start looking elsewhere if they can't afford to keep me there. I don't knoooooow.. In some ways I hate it there but with a normal wage it would be a lot more motivating and in a way it is nice to be in a place where you know your job.
There is another good thing about my work place and managers. They are offering me a free sommelier course. This means that I have to go to the restaurant on one of my days off for a few hours but I do believe it is a really good opportunity and will look good on my CV. There is a lot to learn though! I find the terminology quite challenging. Well, I find it all quite challenging. To get the qualification we're gonna have to pass this test and a big part of it is blind tasting. I'm really going to struggle with that. The amount of information we have to learn in 14 weeks used to take 3 years so it is very very compact. But if I can do this I will be very proud of myself!
My present from D was a necklace with a real ruby. (No it's not my birth stone) Obviously I love it and carry it everywhere I go with me. :) He also got me a very nice bottle of wine. My mum sent me loads of sweets and chocolates from Finland. I was a little bit sad she forgot the rye bread but I only have 2.5 months to wait so I'm sure I can make it. I also got money from D's parents and some really nice perfume from a girl at work. I'm impressed somebody managed to find one that I really like. Then again 90% of girls probably know cosmetics and girly things better than I do.
On my Saturday off we went to the Tropical Butterfly House near Sheffield. Highly recommended! It is not expensive, something like £8-9 per person and there is loads to see: butterflies, exotic birds, birds of prey, meerkats, lemurs, marmosets, crocodiles, giant tortoises, otters, black swans, farm animals, well, all sorts. I really enjoyed that. In the evening we went to a really nice pub for a meal and a few drinks. After that we were supposed to go to town, go to a few more pubs and have a late night. For some reason I haven't been myself recently though and I was way too tired by 9 pm. and we had to catch a bus back. Booo! It was still a nice birthday and it was lovely to spend more time with D.
Don't read this bit if you're not interested in people's body functions. Since last week's Monday I've been having dizzy spells every now and again and alcohol seems to make it worse. I've also had vertigo twice, you know when the room starts spinning in your eyes and my stomach has been quite upset for a few weeks and either doesn't work at all or is too active. Most days I'm really swollen, so much that I get pains (air) and especially wearing my leathers for D's motorbike is quite interesting. I'm also tired a lot and don't get much done. I was just wondering if anybody knows what could cause this. I thought maybe my blood pressure's low but I had it checked yesterday and it was fine, 111/ 73. Maybe I'm sensitive to something I eat. Or maybe I'm lactose intolerant! I might actually try and drink a glass of milk and see what happens. Anyway, sorry about this bit.
One of my bosses surprised me yesterday by asking what my plans are for the future. It might have been easier to answer if I actually knew exactly what they were but I don't. Well I do but nothing is set in stone. I told him that after my apprenticeship I need evening work on a few nights a week so I can start thinking about going to university. Then he surprised me even more by saying that he wants to keep me there because "I follow him and he can trust me." But he wants somebody there full time. Maybe I could work full time for a year, save money and then go to uni? I told him to let me know by May for sure so I can start looking elsewhere if they can't afford to keep me there. I don't knoooooow.. In some ways I hate it there but with a normal wage it would be a lot more motivating and in a way it is nice to be in a place where you know your job.
There is another good thing about my work place and managers. They are offering me a free sommelier course. This means that I have to go to the restaurant on one of my days off for a few hours but I do believe it is a really good opportunity and will look good on my CV. There is a lot to learn though! I find the terminology quite challenging. Well, I find it all quite challenging. To get the qualification we're gonna have to pass this test and a big part of it is blind tasting. I'm really going to struggle with that. The amount of information we have to learn in 14 weeks used to take 3 years so it is very very compact. But if I can do this I will be very proud of myself!
Thursday 13 March 2014
I can't wait to finish my apprenticeship.. Ps. our flights to Finland have been booked!
Sorry it's been a while, I've been quite busy and stressed. When I moved to England I really struggled to find work. I worked in a factory packing cosmetics for a few weeks during a busy Christmas period in 2012 and volunteered in a charity shop for a few months in 2013 but I was reaaally struggling without English references or work experience in England. I sort of got desperate and since I mainly got interviews for apprenticeships I started applying more and more for them simply because I didn't have any money left at all. I couldn't get any benefits and I'd spent all my savings. I will write about all this another time because I have a lot to say but now I just wanted to tell you how I ended up doing an apprenticeship in food & beverage service in an Italian restaurant. I was desperate.
Let me tell you how it's been so far. The first months were quite different. The place was owned by another person who actually cared about his staff in some ways. He was a lot like a fatherly figure who always remembered to ask how I was and if everything was ok. He would see it as soon as I walked in if something was wrong or if I didn't feel well. He used to join us when we had a barbeque or went paint balling. We were a very happy team and did loads together. Sometimes when it wasn't busy we would play hide and seek in the restaurant with the chefs and we always used to have a laptop in the kitchen and everybody took turns choosing which song to play next on Youtube. We still had problems, we didn't have contracts, we got paid late, I was used as a pot washed way too often and not really trained enough.
Unfortunately the old owner decided to sell the restaurant to two younger men, Italian as well. The place couldn't feel more different. They don't care about the staff. They don't want you to enjoy your job. They treat you like you're a dog. Everything you hear from them is negative and if they're not in a good mood you get told off for stupid little things all night until you feel like you cannot do anything right. They think they are allowed to come and touch you in ways that I find uncomfortable, give you kisses or push you around. They think they can tell me to fuck off when they feel like they want to be alone. They argue with each other all the time. I am not allowed to talk with other staff anymore. Especially not with the chefs who are my best friends in the work place. I am not allowed to stop for a moment to think if I'm not sure about something. "DON'T THINK JUST DO".. We are supposed to be robot dogs who smile at the customers but are not allowed to enjoy the work. Usually if I smile at work one of my managers asks me "why are you smiling?"... Do I need a reason? Usually he wants to know if it's because I've had sex last night. How is it his business anyway. So far the head chef and two waitresses have quit. Everybody is leaving and I have to stay for another 3 months. But I need to finish what I've started! And after it's over we are going to FINLAND :DD My brother is getting married and I will see my youngest nephew for the first time. I cannot wait.
Another thing I wanted to tell everybody.. My cappuccinos are getting better! The other night I tried to make a cappuccino and I asked one of my managers if I have improved. His answer was "no".. Very blunt. I asked him what was wrong with it and he ignored me and walked away. I am supposed to be trained in that place, not washing shitty toilet seats, trained! This makes me angry because they just use me as cheap work force. I would like to be learning something when I'm getting paid the ridiculous £2.68 an hour, when it always comes late and when they steal our tips. Well I thought they can't stop me from learning this. I spent a long time on youtube watching people make cappuccinos and lattes and the next time I went to work I bought my own milk and steamed it until it was perfect. I still can't do latte art but at least they taste nice. :)
Let me tell you how it's been so far. The first months were quite different. The place was owned by another person who actually cared about his staff in some ways. He was a lot like a fatherly figure who always remembered to ask how I was and if everything was ok. He would see it as soon as I walked in if something was wrong or if I didn't feel well. He used to join us when we had a barbeque or went paint balling. We were a very happy team and did loads together. Sometimes when it wasn't busy we would play hide and seek in the restaurant with the chefs and we always used to have a laptop in the kitchen and everybody took turns choosing which song to play next on Youtube. We still had problems, we didn't have contracts, we got paid late, I was used as a pot washed way too often and not really trained enough.
Unfortunately the old owner decided to sell the restaurant to two younger men, Italian as well. The place couldn't feel more different. They don't care about the staff. They don't want you to enjoy your job. They treat you like you're a dog. Everything you hear from them is negative and if they're not in a good mood you get told off for stupid little things all night until you feel like you cannot do anything right. They think they are allowed to come and touch you in ways that I find uncomfortable, give you kisses or push you around. They think they can tell me to fuck off when they feel like they want to be alone. They argue with each other all the time. I am not allowed to talk with other staff anymore. Especially not with the chefs who are my best friends in the work place. I am not allowed to stop for a moment to think if I'm not sure about something. "DON'T THINK JUST DO".. We are supposed to be robot dogs who smile at the customers but are not allowed to enjoy the work. Usually if I smile at work one of my managers asks me "why are you smiling?"... Do I need a reason? Usually he wants to know if it's because I've had sex last night. How is it his business anyway. So far the head chef and two waitresses have quit. Everybody is leaving and I have to stay for another 3 months. But I need to finish what I've started! And after it's over we are going to FINLAND :DD My brother is getting married and I will see my youngest nephew for the first time. I cannot wait.
Another thing I wanted to tell everybody.. My cappuccinos are getting better! The other night I tried to make a cappuccino and I asked one of my managers if I have improved. His answer was "no".. Very blunt. I asked him what was wrong with it and he ignored me and walked away. I am supposed to be trained in that place, not washing shitty toilet seats, trained! This makes me angry because they just use me as cheap work force. I would like to be learning something when I'm getting paid the ridiculous £2.68 an hour, when it always comes late and when they steal our tips. Well I thought they can't stop me from learning this. I spent a long time on youtube watching people make cappuccinos and lattes and the next time I went to work I bought my own milk and steamed it until it was perfect. I still can't do latte art but at least they taste nice. :)
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