Dreams

A few years ago I didn't really have any clear dreams, I just wanted to be safe, happy and healthy. These days I do recognize a few things I feel passionate about or that I dream about.

Here is my top three:

1. Family and children
2. Holiday in Australia
3. A cruise on the rebuilt Titanic

Now, let's explain these:

1. Family and children

When I was a child I told everyone I would never have children because giving a birth hurts. When I was a teenager I though maybe one day I will have children if I find the right partner. These days I feel I won't die happy if I never had the chance to have a child. I just know it would be the most emotional thing ever to do a positive pregnancy test.. No, it would be the most emotional moment when you see your child for the first time. Anyway I know it is what I need for my life to feel complete.. If you can ever feel complete.

The problem here is that my partner doesn't know if he will ever be ready to be a father. It does feel like a big problem because children are my dream number one but then again he is a dream come true as well. He is the one I want to spend the rest of my life with. I understand that at the minute we are not earning enough, I am not old enough, the place where we live isn't good enough etc. etc. But I want to know it is possible in the future. And yes, I know everybody can't have children.

2. Australia

I have felt passionate about this for years. Maybe because it's so far away, maybe because of the sun, definitely because of the nature and all the strange, beautiful animals. The most amazing thing to do there would be to go horse back hiking with a camera. I do love taking pictures and usually see my holidays through a lens. But I want a good camera! Maybe I should add it to my list? D has some family in Australia so I cannot see this being impossible. The problem is that you need to spend pretty much all your holidays to be able to see enough and flights and everything are so expensive. Definitely one day!

3. Titanic

Titanic II - Blue Star Line

Look at it, just look at it!

I mean it is beautiful, it is full of history, it's got old looking stuff in it. Millie loves old looking stuff! But it's not just about that. For years I have been having this dream where I get on Titanic and sail away. I suppose it is kinda symbolic and maybe it shows how much I want to leave all stress and worries behind. I love the sea. I love that feeling when all you can see is water. I think water is beautiful. I always hate waking up from my Titanic dreams. And PLEASE don't think I want to do this because of the film or because of Leonardo DiCaprio. No, I feel passionate about the ship and the sea and the journey! Then again I would love any cruise. I would love to go to Finland by going to Germany or Denmark on a ferry and then we would have to catch trains and stuff to Sweden and then maybe another ferry from Sweden to Finland and more trains.... You would need a lot of time and money for this though...

BUT.. I know this will not happen. I'm 99% sure. I will never have that much money and if I will, it would be wrong to spend it on such a selfish thing when I could buy a deposit for a house or something. But maybe if I win the lottery.. I suppose I should start doing lottery first to win the lottery. I have heard your chances are still fairly small though. Hmm...

Here's a few other things I would love to have

• A really good camera
• A Savannah cat
• A career in midwifery or photography 
• Traveling, traveling, more traveling
• A road trip around Finland in summer
• I want to see a Muse gig
• I want to make a song
• I want to learn more languages
• Food, food, food and a fit body after all that food. :)

Foreigner, Immigrant, Alien.

I'm sorry it's been a few days since I wrote last time but I've been busy playing Skyrim, watching Game of Thrones, working and stressing. Anyway, I've been wanting to write about what it feels like to be a foreigner in England. Everybody has an opinion about immigrants coming to their country and taking their jobs but now I am that person coming to someone elses country. I have not been attacked directly or people haven't told me to go back to where I came from face to face but I suppose being a foreigner is a part of my identity when I'm in England and it is not always positive.

Racist experiences

My racist experiences have been mainly very indirect. I do hear people complain about foreigners on the news, on Facebook, on the bus etc. There was a time when Job Centre Plus sent me to this info meeting for young unemployed people and everybody had to introduce themselves and tell everybody about their worst job ever and why they didn't like it. The guy before me mentioned a chocolate factory and said he didn't like working there because there were so many foreigners. Then it was my turn.... It wasn't a nice moment because I knew that opening my mouth means letting everybody know I am different. I wonder if the guy would have said the same thing if his turn had been after me and not before. Anyway, I tend to worry about things and take things personally. If I see a skinhead I do my very best to avoid speaking to anyone so he can't hear my accent. I know, I'm paranoid. Other than that it's just mainly the way people treat me or speak to me. Some people talk to me slowly and loud like I'm brain dead, some people's friendliness just seems to go down a level when I reply to them with an accent. I work as a waitress and get some people talk to me like I'm a child.. It could be for a number of reasons, not just because I'm not English. I am also short, blond, female, look very young and well.. work as a waitress. I wish people didn't judge each other without actually knowing anything about them but I suppose everybody does that.. I do it when I see somebody who looks like a skinhead.

Good experiences

I love it when somebody smiles at me and says "Welcome to England!" I love it when I'm accepted as an equal. Many people say to me that they have nothing against me because I speak English. I think the problem with foreigners in a work place is that they speak with each other in a language you can't understand and when you don't know what they are talking about, you start thinking they are talking about you. I haven't met other Finnish people in England so I don't have a community, especially not at work.

I love it when people tell me everything they know about Finland and tell me if they have been there before. Last Saturday I even met somebody who worked behind a bar and surprised me by greeting me in Finnish when he heard where I come from! Usually people who travel don't judge others so much.

I would also like to share this experience I had last week on the bus. I usually wear headphones to show people I don't want to talk and obviously because I'm listening to music. Well, this old scruffy man sat next to me and started poking me. I turned to look at him and he asked me if there was brown on his nose. I told him where the brown was and he looked happy about the help. He showed me the snuff he had been using and wanted me to smell it because it was supposed to smell like menthol. Then he asked me where I come from because I have an accent. I told him and he was genuinely interested and asked questions. After this he wanted to shake hands and said "Nice to meet you Millie, take care." I felt really happy about being accepted by this scruffy man who probably was lonely. He was like me, different.

Beautiful England

 Last time I wrote about things that I found weird or different about England. This time I would like to show you some of the pictures I took during my first few months in the country. Every time someone asks me if I like England or what I like about England I tell them I love the countryside and the nature. That's definitely my favourite thing about the country.

I find it difficult to get the pictures and the text to look smart so I gave up trying.. These pictures are from Chatsworth, Scarborough, Whitby, Bakewell and Derwent. Please don't copy them without asking me. Thanks!

Weird England

It wasn't my first time abroad but since England was my potential next home I paid a lot of attention to things that I found different or weird. I wanted to write them down and my boyfriend (I'll call him D) gave me a little book for the purpose. Unfortunately we have moved house twice since I did it and have lost the book but I will try and remember everything I can. It would be cool if you could tell me what you found funny or weird when you visited England (or Finland or any other country) for the first time!

Here's a few:

• The fact that strangers talk to you on the bus and say hi when you walk past them on the street. In general people are good at small talk and can have a conversation with any stranger
• The fact that nobody rinses the pots after washing them
• The fitted carpets that fill the whole floor... How do you keep them clean???
• Ok I knew the English like their tea but it's quite funny how they act shocked when I say "No thanks, I've already had a cup of tea today"... "JUST ONE??"
• You can buy spirits in super markets
• The amount of drugs
• Free birth control and sooooo many teen pregnancies??? 
• Horrible food like beans on toast and Yorkshire buddings, potatoes, potatoes, potatoes and sandwiches with ANY filling. Honest, they put chips, crisps, anything in a sandwich.
• "It's snowing, let's all go to Tesco and buy food for a month/ can't go to work/ buses aren't running...."
• Because I have an accent I must be Polish
• In Finland we have holes in the corners of duvet covers and in England they don't and it makes changing the sheets a lot slower.
• "What do you mean women have to be 25 years old to see a gynecologist??"
• Some places still pay wages in cash and cheques
• Moaning and fighting publicly on Facebook.

I do not mean to make this sound negative at all. I think the English countryside is breathtakingly beautiful. I think it's cool how people are more sociable and seem positive and always smiling. Customer service is often very good and most people have given me a warm welcome. I think I will be adding things to the list when I remember more. Thanks!

- Millie